5:00 AM and I’m awake again.

For the passed few days, weeks even I’ve been having restless nights, void nights. When I eventually fall asleep It’s time for me to wake up. Each morning I try to remember the dream I could’ve had that night. Then I’d realize I had none at all. I had nothing.

And so for the rest of the day I’m this void person. A groggy, stressed out girl who has her mind wandering, ignoring tasks she’s supposed to be doing. Not caring, just thinking.

Finally last night, I had a dream. And I remember this clearly because it’s the happiest I’ve had since there’s only been emptiness. It was very pleasant, like everything I want to be feeling right now. Reality hasn’t been good to me lately. And even the faintest sign of having that kind of dream.

A carefree moment amidst the reality. In my stressful life right now that would be amazing. And if I can’t have that then all I can do right now, is wish that I could sleep forever.

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Note to self

I don’t want to worry about whatever is going on. There are a lot of things that I can do. As they say, it’s just a matter of perspective. I know now, I can be happy. I’ve had my decision.

I will be happy.

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It’s amazing how my world is getting more and more hard. It’s amazing the way last month opens your eyes to your real friends; friends who would do anything to see you, make stuff up, not friends who makes us look “bad” because of how “good” they are, not that I’m pointing out anyone but hard times will always reveal true friends. Of course they come, they go.

It’s amazing, how God makes this certain roller coaster path in your life where you feel, Its all over, when in FACT. It is just the beginning.

Strange dreams have been happening, it’s funny actually. Yet, it makes me want to think:

Can it come true?

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It’s Only The Beginning

  • I feel like blogging tonight but in bullets because paragraphs don’t make sense right now.
  • Last month has been extremely stressful. I felt betrayed.
  • I wanted to shut myself off from the world to minimize the pain. I need a damn break.
  • Everything’s so messed up to the point that I just want to break down and cry.
  • I didn’t want things to get complicated. They all just did.
  • For what it’s worth, I had really good memories with you guys. But apparently now they’re covered with the bad ones.
  • Okay, enough of the drama. Let’s all move on and be happy.
  • Grateful because I have a very supportive family.
  • To my friends who care enough to want to make me better. Thank you.
  • Starting a new chapter of my life. God really loves me. I will always thank him for the blessings that he has given me and to what he will be giving me in the future.
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