5:00 AM and I’m awake again.

For the passed few days, weeks even I’ve been having restless nights, void nights. When I eventually fall asleep It’s time for me to wake up. Each morning I try to remember the dream I could’ve had that night. Then I’d realize I had none at all. I had nothing.

And so for the rest of the day I’m this void person. A groggy, stressed out girl who has her mind wandering, ignoring tasks she’s supposed to be doing. Not caring, just thinking.

Finally last night, I had a dream. And I remember this clearly because it’s the happiest I’ve had since there’s only been emptiness. It was very pleasant, like everything I want to be feeling right now. Reality hasn’t been good to me lately. And even the faintest sign of having that kind of dream.

A carefree moment amidst the reality. In my stressful life right now that would be amazing. And if I can’t have that then all I can do right now, is wish that I could sleep forever.

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My Happiness is ME not YOU.

Not only because you may be temporary, but also because you want me to be what AM I NOT. I cannot be happy when I change, merely to satisfy your selfishness nor can I feel content when you criticize me for not thinking your thoughts, or for seeing like you do. You call me a rebel and yet each time I have rejected your beliefs, you have rebelled against mine.

I do not try to mold your mind. I know you are trying hard enough to be just you and I cannot allow you to tell me what to be, for I am concentrating on being me.

You said I was transparent and easily forgotten. but why then did you try to use me lifetime….to prove to yourself who you are??

Living, loving & Learning – Leo Buscaglia

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Le Friends.

Meet my dudettes! It’s been awhile since we all got together and spent time with each other.  They’re always there for me and I’m just really thankful having them in life. Hi girls, if any of you are reading this, I love you and thank you for everything. I’m always here for you, remember that.Image

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CRUSHES are FUN

Having a crush is good for ten reasons:

1. You smile or laugh when you see him/her.
2. You know it’s him/her even though he/she’s 200 ft. away from you.
3. He/she makes your day!
4. Getting to know him/her is a must! Even if (you know that) someday, something about him/her will turn you off.
5. You check if he/she’s in facebook/twitter.
6. You become a stalker — without even knowing it.
7. You treasure the things that remind you of him/her.
8. You think he/she likes you too when he/she looks at you.
9. You do crazy things you’ve never done before.
10. You become paranoid.

Am I right? Or am I right? HAHA.

I saw my crush earlier when I was on my way home. I was talking with my friends and my crush was just about 10 ft away from me. He was with his friends too. I was staring right at him (not to the friend I was talking with) and he noticed! As usual, foolish me kept on staring at him. I think, I saw him crack a smile.

GAAAHHHH!

Kilig moment! Pinaka-masayang three minutes ng buhay ko!

Okay, enough of this. Goodnight :)

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Note to self

I don’t want to worry about whatever is going on. There are a lot of things that I can do. As they say, it’s just a matter of perspective. I know now, I can be happy. I’ve had my decision.

I will be happy.

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Amazing.

It’s amazing how my world is getting more and more hard. It’s amazing the way last month opens your eyes to your real friends; friends who would do anything to see you, make stuff up, not friends who makes us look “bad” because of how “good” they are, not that I’m pointing out anyone but hard times will always reveal true friends. Of course they come, they go.

It’s amazing, how God makes this certain roller coaster path in your life where you feel, Its all over, when in FACT. It is just the beginning.

Strange dreams have been happening, it’s funny actually. Yet, it makes me want to think:

Can it come true?

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It’s Only The Beginning

  • I feel like blogging tonight but in bullets because paragraphs don’t make sense right now.
  • Last month has been extremely stressful. I felt betrayed.
  • I wanted to shut myself off from the world to minimize the pain. I need a damn break.
  • Everything’s so messed up to the point that I just want to break down and cry.
  • I didn’t want things to get complicated. They all just did.
  • For what it’s worth, I had really good memories with you guys. But apparently now they’re covered with the bad ones.
  • Okay, enough of the drama. Let’s all move on and be happy.
  • Grateful because I have a very supportive family.
  • To my friends who care enough to want to make me better. Thank you.
  • Starting a new chapter of my life. God really loves me. I will always thank him for the blessings that he has given me and to what he will be giving me in the future.
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